I didn't want to interrupt my boss as he was screaming at me. His tongue thrashing around in that gigantic and annoying mouth of his. His eyes growing large like they do in those unrealistic Japanese cartoons. The mouth made a sound like a suction cup being ripped from glass. The humor of the livid man was unbelievable. I imagined him as an angry hippo yelling at me from across the table. How unintelligent can a human being get. Yelping at me like a little puppy obviously isn't going to solve the problem I have put in front of him. Most people try to tone out the reverberant voices that hit their ears like a bass drum, but not me. I find it simply amusing to outsmart a person in my mind. I might have saw a tear stray from his bulging eyeball. His throat was probably going to get sore soon so that's his loss. My silence is what makes it all worth while. Finally, he stopped. I smirked. "Now what do you have to say for yourself." There it is. The final nine words that everyone says after they are yelling at someone. "No, but do you?" I laughed as his face got even more cherry colored.
By the way: I'm only twelve years old. That is only a small portion of a story I am writing.
Pretty good, especially since you're only twelve. You'll want to watch your grammar/ punctuation, and I think there was maybe one too many similes in a row, but other than that, nice! :) That's pretty good, good luck with it!
It's goods, especially for someone your age, but i do think you need a bit of sentence variation, some long some short, it will make it flow better. Only my opinion, feel free to ignore.
x
I'm twelve too :)
Really good story. You definitely do a good job at showing how the character feels. I would read more.
p.s. plz read my stories too
xoxo Lia
Ha ha, I am picturing that red moon face. Your story is good, stick with the writing.
I like it home skillet.
yeah.. this is much better than the other one
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